Friday, January 09, 2004 :::
 
Its funny how I wrote about relationships and Fel in the previous entry and now I've had like a "light bulb" moment as Oprah would call it.

Got up this morning and called Fel, could not really speak to him for long as I needed to get ready for work. Our conversation was the usual rant about our daily life and then just before I had to hang up he said that he needed to tell me something. Of course I didn't think it would be anything life changing but I actually thought it would be something silly, (Those who have met Fel would actually understand the possibility of something real odd and silly coming out of Fel) but in actual fact it wasn't. His parents have finally come forward and blatantly asked him when he was going to take over the company. He was in shock because he did not think of it seriously and now understood his parents pressure of graduating sooner.

Without trying to sound braggy of any sort I have to admit that Fel comes from a rather wealthy family, he being the only son it would've been expected for him to take over but is that so? Without wanting to give out too much information I'll try my best to explain. Fel is turning 23 this year and will complete his degree in graphic design and multimedia, he did not think of returning back to Indonesia so soon after graduation as he would prefer to experience other cultures before eventually expanding the business. Now this is where it becomes tricky, he has me here in Sydney.

After much discussion here is what we have decided on. Mind you it was all done via sms as I had to get to work. I asked myself if I could live in Indonesia but the truth is I don't know. I have never been there and my perception is that it is a dangerous country. My career has just taken off and after speaking to the GM it sounded as if he wanted me to move much further up the ladder within the company. As I have said my immediate boss is 74 and in about 2 years or so he would definitely be retiring for good. I have been employed here to assist him as well as to handle the marketing, yesterday he mentioned to me that he needed me to learn more. Indirectly he wants me to take over if I am of good calibre. This is a jewel opportunity because Stamford is such a renowned company.

Fel admitted that the only thing holding him back here was me. He does not particularly love Sydney and every few months both of us complain about the life style. In short we had to agree on what we both wanted out of this relationship. Personally I know inside that Fel is "The One" or whatever we may call it now. I do not want to lose him. Its as simple as that. But together with our different career paths it gets complicating. We both confessed that we did not want to lose each other, so we decided that we needed at least a rough plan of our future together. Here's our plan,

I told him that whatever happens I need 5 years more in Australia and after that I can help out in the retail sector of their company(his company is into fashion & textile) especially with my experience here. In that time Fel will help expand the business into Sydney since they would like to bring their brand here. Of course within that time we hope to fully develop our relationship and take it to the next level. Be it getting engaged in 2 years or in 5 years we have agreed that no matter what happens we WILL work this out. After that 5 years we will then return to Indonesia for Fel to manage the company from that end. What happens next is dependent on how the business runs.

I understand that 5 years is a long time which is why I think we did not plan for anything beyond that. Well we did discuss about children's education but that can always be settled easily. The next 5 years will test our relationship and I guess we will have to endure since we both are very keen on taking on the next step. Its just very frightening since I AM still young and apart of me wants to stay that way. For the moment I just wish that Fel was here with me because I do need him badly. In his last sms he thanked me for listening to him since he too is afraid of both his and our fate. He then said that I am his princess and not to forget that he is the one who loves me deeply.

I'm so touched! Really wish I could hug him now....All I can say is good luck to both of us for the next 5 years. Why does it sound as if its so far but yet so near? Frightening!

::: posted by Sass O at Friday, January 09, 2004

Thursday, January 08, 2004 :::
 
This morning I was awoken by a beeping mobile. At 5.30am I received a couple of smses from Fel! Though I grumbled as I grabbed my phone but I couldn't help but smile once I read them. The silly billy couldn't sleep and decided to ask if I was awake! He then proceeded by sending me about 3 more msgs! Here's part of what he said in one of the sms, "I miss telling u stories of what I did, I miss having a sore arm every morning, most of all I miss u princess, good night." Cute ei? Funny thing is he hardly calls me princess or sweetie when he's around but always in smses and well sometimes at night when I'm like half asleep. He's not afraid to show his emotions but strangely he just calls me Sass most of the time.

Reading those smses really made me miss him more. But on the other hand I find it is good that we have time apart as well. When you get to see someone everyday, you automatically without realizing it take him/her for granted, same goes with our own families. Lets face it there definitely has been a time when we all got mad at our parents or siblings and said harsh words to them, it is part of taking them for granted and I guess when we are away from our families we tend to communicate with them more and appreciate them. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, truly is a wise phrase.

This year, though we are apart I feel more independent and trusting towards Fel in comparison to last year. Perhaps a sign of our relationship maturing and understanding what we mean to each other. I never felt like this before in my previous relationship, though I was with my ex for 3 whole years anytime we were apart I would continuously ring or sms him. He on the other hand would have me report to him whatever I was doing and he even had the nerve to dictate what I wore and what I said. I remember once when I was back in Malaysia he picked me up for dinner and I wore this pair of heels (the pointy heels to be exact) and he hated them so much that he drove to Pyramid and made me buy another pair of heels for the dinner. Even when we were at the shop I had to ask him which I could or could not wear.

I did not realize with his actions I was actually turning into someone else and that love has nothing to do with possessiveness or the ability to control someone. Sometimes I look back on the 3 years I wasted on him and wish I could turn back time but each time I do I remember the advise Chad gave me..."What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" This is why I thank Fel so much for loving me and helping me realize that I can be who I am and still be loved! If I hadn't gone through hell during and after the relationship I would not be here now blessed with such a terrific relationship with someone who truly adores and loves me in return. I know that a few years from now if we were still together we would possibly settle down.

But for now I am extensively happy and just hope to take each day as it comes because I know that with each passing day with him it allows me to create wonderful memories.

P/S : I'm currently at work, the only one in the office which is why I am able to get so carried away!

::: posted by Sass O at Thursday, January 08, 2004

Tuesday, January 06, 2004 :::
 
So here I am at work having nothing much to do as my immediate boss is upstairs in one of the boardrooms. How do I like work so far? Well let's just say its 10 times better than my previous job!

Yesterday was my first day and I was allowed to do my own thing, basically I organized my desk the way I wanted it to be, checked the stationaries to see if I needed to get the girl to order them and helped my immediate boss type his correspondence. If I haven't told you my immediate boss is a sweet 74 year old man. He's really very nice and sharp for someone his age! Am glad that I am working under him because I know I will get to learn alot from him. My role here instead of just administration and event organizing (I have yet to come to this possibly because its just the beginning of the year) is to be his PA/Secretary as well.

In short, work has been treating me well. As for the food over at the staff canteen, its bearable, I mean how many companies provide meals? In order to save for my intended yearly overseas holidays I shall religiously eat at the canteen. Did I also mention that my immediate boss has asked me to drive to work? He asked when I would be getting my car and well I'm not too sure it all depends on my parents so he said once I do get a car I can park here and have free parking! He even asked me to drive to work now since I have Fel's car sitting at home but of course I shan't unless I am terrifyingly late for work. First of all I am a new driver second of all its not my car and its not very fair to Fel. So I have only been using the car to buy groceries and to move from my apartment to his house (where I'm currently staying). Its less than 5km away so it isn't all that bad!

Have not heard from Fel today, he could very well be still asleep. Its 3.00pm here now and with the 4 hours difference its pretty hard to catch him. Am waiting patiently for his sms (I could get impatient in a few seconds if I wasn't occupied! So I am trying my bestest) Need to get back to work now, had enough time off reading blogs and writing on my own!

::: posted by Sass O at Tuesday, January 06, 2004